Good Like a Medicine

I have received several emails recently concerning homebirth and what that was like for our family. I debated whether or not to blog about it and then what to mention (and what to omit) if I did blog about it. Oh well. I’m not confident that this will suffice for me to communicate what I have mentally (or emotionally) processed from our homebirth, but I’ll try.

(If you don’t want to read this huge novel that follows, just know the gist: I think homebirth is fantastic!)

I am just one woman of millions who has delivered a child outside of a hospital, and this is just my story. To God be the glory. He creates life. He opens and closes the womb. He sustains our every breath, and I think every mother would agree that it is a humbling privilege to bring another human being into the world, no matter how it happens! I hope our story is fun to read and encourages others who are expecting or who just love babies. I just realized that this will be something neat to put in Meredith’s baby book - so feel free to leave her a word of encouragement in the comments (You’re not allowed to say, “Your Mom and Dad are nuts.”)

I won’t spend too much time detailing the events of the previous births of Lydia and Steven, but to summarize them: they were relatively short, wonderful (but painful), natural births with no complications or “surprises.” Lydia was born in the hospital in FL with a CNM (certified-nurse midwife). Her active labor lasted 13 hours. 17 months later Steven was born at the same hospital, but the OBGYN’s office had “let go” all of the midwives (not bringing enough business I believe was the reason). We had a doctor who delivered him after four hours of active labor. Fast-forward 17 months - again! Meredith was born in our home. Her birth will always make this house a special place for us because it was such a wonderful memory. Here’s what I can conclude about having a homebirth - my thoughts, suggestions, and favorite aspects about it.

• Why did I want to have our baby at home? Hmmm …. Why did I want to jump out of an airplane in college? Why did I ask my gymnastics coach to work on a full twist with me just 2 months after I sprained my ankle (for the 4th time)? Why did I want to take Japanese for two years in school when I knew it would be the hardest language course I had ever taken? The answer to all of these: I’m not sure, but it probably has something to do with my driven and somewhat adventurous personality that knows “no limits” at times and completely trusts that God is taking care of me. Now I know what you’re thinking. Yes, some people thought we were insane (or maybe silently the word was “irresponsible”) for even considering it. My doctor even told me on his back porch at a party how bad the idea was before we moved. Ask my parents and my husband. They’ll agree that often times I get an idea in my head (or heart), and I’m not going to budge until I at least try it. After all, I thought I should, since the last two births went very well and I was healthy this time also. I didn’t want to have medication again. We didn’t have terrible experiences at the hospital. We had good deliveries there with great professionals. Eric and a friend named Cindy were AWESOME coaches! I just remember thinking that it must have been nice for moms with healthy labors “way back when” to be in their own beds with their husband and other family members present. I guess I had romantic ideals - silly some may say - but I thought it sure would be nice to bring a baby into the world in my own bedroom with my husband coaching me all the way. He’s a pro. And I’m not the only one involved here, right? Isn’t it about the baby? Eric and I felt completely comfortable about the baby being born at home. That’s really important before a family decides to do something like this. So . . . the desire grew I guess you could say . . . and the prayers started in that direction. You should be praying about your delivery all throughout pregnancy I think, no matter what your plans are.
• Our situation was somewhat unique, in that we moved halfway through the pregnancy. As Eric considered jobs and the possibility of going back to school in SC, I found a listing of midwifes online that performed homebirths. One was Lisa, the one who became our midwife. She served the exact two cities where Eric was looking for school/job and the counties in-between them! So I thought that I should definitely call her. I actually emailed her, and she called me within a few days. After a lengthy phone conversation, I called Eric. “I LOVE her. She’s great!” I said. So I will say that if you want to have a good delivery, find someone you LIKE to help you. If someone is a jerk, or you are just a number to them, it doesn’t make you feel supported or comfortable, to say the least. This is America, and it’s fortunate that women have rights to choose these things! I know for some people that may not seem true because of insurance, and I plan to discuss that briefly later.
• Here’s how my appointments were with Lisa. They lasted 2 hours on average. She greeted me at her back doorstep, and I went inside to where her office was located. She always had a friendly smile for me, even if another woman’s visit had just ended and she didn’t have a break. I did my samples and weight for her first, and her assistant and nurse would look at those. Then I would sit down on her couch and we would discuss the same things - my stress level, my spiritual well-being, what I was eating lately (important!), exercise, how things were going with the other kids and with Eric, and any physical problems that might have manifested themselves since my last visit. On one particular occasion, Eric and I had some financial stress going on, and I just sat and cried for what seemed like forever, and she talked, listened, comforted, and prayed. She was more than just a midwife! I would get comfy on her examining table while she and her assistant checked my vitals and felt the baby’s position. She took the time to explain terms to me (occipital, anterior, etc.) and showed me how I could try to feel baby’s body parts on my own at home. I always left her house feeling so wonderful about my pregnancy and even more excited about the baby!
• By 37 weeks I had some reading to do. I had bags that needed to be prepared, and Lisa and her staff made a home visit and shared lunch with our family. There was much more responsibility on my part I think than my last pregnancies because someone was there telling me, “You need to be doing this to prepare….” I had to read a book about Group B Strep and my options. I had to sterilize linens and clothes for the birth and pack them away, and I had to have all the emergency information ready and visible “just in case.” My back-up plan was for a doctor a good ways from our home (with a CNM that I had visited at 36 weeks), and plan “C” was the hospital (treated as an emergency visit) right near our house. I will mention more about that below. Lisa and I were on the same page when it came to what to put into my body. I was willing to go on a regiment of liquid chlorophyll, red raspberry leaf tea, vitamin C, and holistic prenatal vitamins to try to boost my body to be as healthy as possible. Of course the most important thing was always, “Drink your WATER.” I liked the fact that my midwife focused so passionately on nutrition because I always wondered why this was mysteriously “left out” of the visits I had in past pregnancies. It seemed to me like “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” I was completely honest with Lisa. “I’m craving chocolate like crazy and gave in yesterday!” And she would scold me in a way and say, “It’s your body, your baby.” Ouch! Anyway, moving on . . .

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As far as the birth itself, I really don’t think it could have gone any better. I woke up that morning with a “bloody show.” (Thank You, Lord!) I love signs that tell me what’s going on. Eric had just left for work. “Turn around. Come back!” That morning we just played at home with the kids. I unloaded the dishwasher and folded clothes. We ate turkey sandwiches for lunch and went outside for a while. I wasn’t having contractions closely together at all, but when they did come, they were very painful! “This isn’t how the other two labors were at all!” I told Eric. I confess that I started to really worry if I would be able to manage this pain. Lisa kept calling (she lives about an hour from our house) and said to monitor and call her back regularly and let her know. I kept saying, “They hurt badly, but they are still 15-20 minutes apart!” Weird.

Well, my mom made it to our house at 3 pm. We decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. That is one of the best memories of the whole thing for me. I would stop every few minutes to lean on Eric in pain, and I just know my neighbors were thinking, “Uh, shouldn’t she be getting into the car?!” I remember vividly my mom pushing Lydia and Steven in the double-stroller down our street. Lydia’s head kept popping around the side to look back at us. She was really worried about me. Mama said she kept saying, “Go back and check on Mommy.” Well, that did it. I didn’t even make it past 8 houses because they started coming so closely. We kind of hurried back to the house, and I called Lisa. “They’re coming pretty close now - like every 2-5 minutes!” She said she’d be on her way. I tried to rest on the couch for a bit, but I was quite excited and walked around the house, thanking God that labor was eminent and thanking Him that He was there and he had allowed us to get everything finished literally the night before the baby’s birthday.

I labored on the floor by my bed, just sitting on my knees. That turned out to be the most comfortable way. It must have been a little more than an hour when Lisa and Katie knocked on the door. Lisa was very concerned that she didn’t have enough time (she must have had a talk with God on the way). She and Katie stripped the bed, put on the new sheets, and got out all the equipment while I parked it on the floor for contractions. I tried one on the bed, and I screamed in desperation because it hurt so badly. “No way!” I thought. I’ll just stay on the floor. “What happens if the baby comes out and I’m squatting on the floor?” I asked. “We’ve got these mats to catch the mess,” she said. She must have known I wasn’t worried about the baby but worried about blood going everywhere. A little before 6 pm I wanted the comfort of a hot bath. “That’ll help,” I thought. They ran the hot water, and I got in quickly. It did help. A lot. So much that Meredith just decided to come out and see what the bath was like! I had a mere 2 to 3 contractions in there before she was born, and I thought to myself, “Oh my word! She’s going to fall out!” Lisa had just checked. I was at 7 cm, so I kept thinking, “I CAN’T push her out like this. I have to wait!” Well, one more contraction came, and my water broke. I screamed, “There went my water!” and as I did, Meredith pushed out so forcefully that I didn’t have time to move and had some nerve damage in my legs because of it! Eric was shocked, and Lisa, too. They caught the baby together, leaning into the water, and I sat back in amazement as Meredith came against my chest for the first time. It was awesome, and so was our God.

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Oh, some of you might be wondering what we did for childcare for the other two small children! A new good friend from church agreed to drive over during labor and take care of them at our home. Because I knew I was in labor in the morning, however, my mom was there as soon as she could get in her car and come! She and my dad had the kids in their arms walking through the front door at the exact moment that my water broke and Meredith pushed out. How is that for God’s perfect timing?! (Funny, though. To this day Lydia thinks that “Mrs. Lisa screamed so loudly when Meredith was born!”) It was great how that all worked out to the benefit of everyone involved.

Lisa of course stayed with me for the hours afterwards, and she returned the next day and 3 days later to follow-up. She ordered a full week of bedrest for me, which I can truly say I think helped more than anything post-partum. I think that made the difference of my energy level being much better this time around. She sat on the foot of my bed 3 days after the birth and cried with me as I told her how hard it was for me to listen to all the fun downstairs and how scared I was of my mom leaving and me being on my own. She said that before she raised her seven children, she was the same way…. “You are going to have to ‘let go’ of a lot of things that don’t matter in the end, Kristi,” she said. I will remember her compassion and genuine concern for me more than anything she said. I’m going to see her in a few days for my 6-weeks check-up, and I look forward to it.

With such a great experience, there’s really nothing that I should regret, but there a few things worth mentioning in hindsight that we wish we would have been prepared for going into it. First, I’m not sure about other states and other countries, but in SC there is a law that requires a woman to visit an OBGYN twice during the pregnancy to receive approved status to have a homebirth. I went to the OBGYN office that was refrerred to me by Lisa. The midwife there was great. I would have seen her had there been an emergency during labor and if we had time to make it to the hospital for her to deliver (plan “B”). Although this visit was required by law for me, the office did not accept insurance because it was not their policy to do so for homebirth patients. I did not know that, and Lisa didn’t either because it was a new policy as of the previous month, so the cost for the visit was out-of-pocket. Second, my midwife’s policy (and most midwives’ policies) required us to pay up-front as well for her services. We were thinking, “That is fine,” but we didn’t seriously think through the ramifications of how tight that would make our pocketbook during a very transient time for us. Additionally there were the little costs (that added up) of lab tests, birth supplies, and prescriptions for medications during/after labor if they were needed (and I actually needed one of them afterwards because Lisa wasn’t convinced that I had stopped bleeding enough for her to feel comfortable). It was really tight for us financially for several weeks, but God provided every penny we needed. Now I tell people that consider homebirth to consider the out-of-pocket expenses (kind of like adoption) before they decide to do it. Last, consider that you will not be looked kindly on for this choice by some people, and those people may matter to you in the end, should you need them for their services. Ultimately it is the woman (and her husband if happily married) who chooses to birth at home, and like many things in life, the responsibility may negatively affect the response of various people involved. It’s a good idea to talk to people who have done it or midwives who have done it for years and hear wonderful stories if you are interested.

So, folks, that will be it, I guess. Disappointed that you didn’t hear more about my placenta? Well, I’m sorry. I’ll save that for family holiday get-togethers (just kidding)! I’m just so thankful for our sweet Meredith and that she came quickly, safely, and in our own bathtub. Maybe she will be a professional diver someday! It was certainly worth all of the preparation and prayer, and it will be a day in our home that we will always treasure in our hearts. God is so good . . .