Steven’s Jeans
Maybe it’s in his genes. Who knows!
I’m referring to a new parenting challenge Eric and I have faced in the past few weeks with our two year-old son Steven. He seems quite obsessed with his jeans. Now I don’t mean any ‘ole jeans - only his pair of long blue jeans.
A few weeks ago he complained that he didn’t want to wear his shorts. He would ask, “Can I wear my jeans please, Mommy?” I explained to him that it was too hot to wear pants and that he would be running around and playing and become uncomfortable. The next thing that happened was that he would almost throw a fit when we would change him out of his clothes into his pajamas at night. He did not want to take off his shorts or pants. No big deal - most people don’t like to run around naked. That’s understandable. We said we’ll talk to him about it, and he’ll be so tired that he will just go to sleep. We didn’t want to produce or reinforce some kind of habit that we could see easily forming, but we wondered if we should just chalk it up to a phase of “liking his jeans” (we think because he would say, “like my Papa’s jeans”) and think, “Oh, how cute!”
Well, now it has become almost a daily battle. It’s not just about changing clothes anymore. He doesn’t want to wear ANYTHING on his legs but his long blue jeans! He doesn’t want to talk about anything else if he can’t find his jeans and put them on his legs. If Lydia takes his jeans or even tells him, “No, Steven, you can’t wear the same pants all the time,” he becomes angry and starts shouting. In the mornings he will get up and pull ALL of his shorts out of his third dresser drawer and throw them all over the bedroom floor looking for his jeans. Eric chuckled for the first couple of days, but after a week of that we agreed that this was getting out of hand. I have explained to him that he can only wear them so many times, and mommy has to clean them, and I have tried in my most loving and kind voice to tell him that he may not wear his blue jeans every day. (On second thought, however, maybe I should let him, and he could drastically reduce our clothing expense over the next couple of decades!) I know someone reading this might think we are pushovers, but we are trying to figure out why he is doing this. For a couple of days I thought it was because he was scared of being bitten outside (our kids are misquito magnets), but I don’t think it is that anymore. I have wondered if he is scared of skinning his knees because he experienced that a lot this Spring for the first time. I am trying not to see this as a silly minor issue because clearly there is a reason he thinks wearing jeans is so significant, and the sweet heart of my boy underneath all this crazy behavior is what I’m after. I cannot help but think that this can’t go on forever, though, I am going to keep firmly disciplining him for taking out his shorts in the mornings until he learns that this is not okay to do this.
This afternoon right before I put him down for a nap he had a really dirty diaper. When I changed him, I knew I was going to face a struggle because there was no way I was putting those stinky jeans back on him. Long story short, fifteen minutes after I tucked him into his bed he was still wailing about those jeans!
Have any of your kids ever become “attached” to something like this, not just the thing, but the wearing of the thing? It used to be so cute, but now it’s kind of annoying. We’ve wondered, “Is it a newfound sense of accomplishment because he can put them on by himself? Why wouldn’t he just be satisfied with his shorts then? Is it because he wants to be like his Papa who wears jeans almost all of the time when he sees him? Is it because of the misquitos? Is he just cold?” Are we going to have to tell him that jeans can become idols? I thought that was a discussion for 13 year-old daughters!!!!
Posted in Ruminations, Steve-o
Don’t worry it will pass! My good friend’s grandson wore his shoes to bed because he didn’t want to part with them. Keep another pair of jeans clean for those times that he has to change. It’s better to have a happy child. He probably has no idea why he wants the jeans.
Kristi, I agree with the previous comment. In my experience, the less said about an issue, the sooner it becomes less of an issue. Since this isn’t really a question of right or wrong, what harm will it do to let him wear the jeans all the time (a spare clean pair would be handy, though!)? If he gets a little hot, then he gets hot. Just keep your cool!!
Totally agree with the others. We experienced this with our youngest and we purchased an extra couple pairs of her favorite pants to have so I wasn’t constantly washing the one pair. It passed eventually. However, I understand your frustration in this. You are right in discipling him for throwing tantrums and throwing his clothes out his drawers.
Just like us he has developed the desire to wear his favorite pair of pants, he just doesn’t comprehend at this point that you can’t get upset and be ugly because they aren’t clean.
Hang in there. this too will pass. And remember you know your child better than anyone else and you have to handle the situation as you and your husband think best.
From a mom who has been there.
kristi- i too have an obsessed child. but not jeans, it’s about what we refer to in our family as “night-nights” expensive little blankies that are now rags for the most part- except for the newer night nights. we thought a lovey was a good idea, and it is. until you can’t leave the lovey upstairs, or even at home. bethany is going to be 5 in 3 weeks and we still have a daily battle about how night nights stay upstairs on our bed during the day. i don’t have a problem with her sleeping/napping with them, but carrying them around all day and sucking her fingers is not the best way to play and learn. so i’m there with you, sister, in the threnches. the less of a battle it is, the better. but i will pray that the jean obsession ends quickly enough - maybe i can convince beth that the night-nights really need to be for baby Sam, due in a few weeks- but that just seems cruel- they are pink night nights and she’s dealing with enough being a big sister to almost 2 kids. suggestions are welcome for me as well!
i remember that one of the girls i used to babysit alot was stuck on wearing one shirt for awhile. with 5 other kids to tend to, i think the mom would have agreed with the comments thus far and just chalked it up to “she’ll get over this”. i don’t know if tantrums were involved or not, but i do remember that she was wearing that purple shirt with a daisy on it every time i came over one summer. i’ll ask her about it the next time i talk to her.
maybe if you have him play outside for a while several days in a row, he’d realize it’s way to hot for jeans??
when we come to visit, ethan will be in shorts. so maybe we can do some positive peer pressure.
During the school year, Hannah Grace would not wear shorts to school. She only wanted to wear dresses. She refused to wear anything but a dress. We tried to tell her, she could play more if she had shorts on, but no - she would only wear dresses. So, we choose not to fight with her. Now, she if fine with wearing shorts around the house, but still will only wear dresses to church and other occassions. You have to think - what does it hurt for him to wear his jeans. Now the trantums - that I guess you do need to control. Samuel’s obessions change. But he does get obessed will certain things and sometimes we have to tell him to stop talking about it (but he is 10 years old).
Ask Cathy.
Any way, there is so much eles as Mommy’s and Daddy’s that we have to deal with and behaviors that can hurt them or that are unacceptable that we have to pick our battles.
Steven is such a sweet little boy you would’t want to break his sweet spirit over jeans.
test
We experienced nearly the exact same thing with our son when he was about 3 (he’s now 26). He ONLY wanted to wear his jeans with a LONG sleeved shirt (and cowboy boots with long tube socks) right in the middle of summer. Because we were worried about it being a health issue (with the heat and his desire to play outside in this get-up). We finally hid the jeans in a box on a top shelf in our closet and explained to him that they were gone. He wasn’t very happy the first day, but once he realized that if he wanted to go, do, and/or play that he was going to have to wear his shorts (and muscle/tee shirts). And he quickly forgot about his jeans until the fall when we pulled them out again. I have no idea why your sweet little guy has such a fixation with his jeans,except that it is all about what HE wants (isn’t that true of all of the sin in our lives?) but I do know that you cannot allow him to continue to be disobedient regarding the matter. You have a choice of continuing to battle with him and see who wins, letting him have his way, or helping him by just removing the choice from him. Sometimes “out of sight is out of mind” and the removal of the tempation is a relief to all.
Thanks for your comments everyone. I will write more later. I love hearing your encouragement, comments, and stories. Poor Steven has been battling a stomach virus today. At one point he slept silently for about 2 hours. When he woke up, he sat up in my bed off the pillow with huge eyes and said, “Mommy, my blue jeans!” (I’m not kidding or being dramatic! It was like he was dreaming about them!)
I just looked at him and stroked his hair. Then he asked, “Can I have some water?”
Will write more later!
By the way - Alyssa (et al): you got me thinking about the phrase “breaking the spirit.” I know it’s kind of in the phrase of the goodlikeamedicine verse in Proverbs, but I haven’t thought about what it means in a long time. I’ve been sitting here thinking for half an hour about how I used to feel like I had such a sweet spirit my whole life… and how somewhere, although God was still working in my life, I became more cynical than I had ever been. I started thinking about it and would love to post my thoughts about it sometime in the future. Maybe y’all can remind me! Anyway, I think it was somewhere in college that I my eyes saw a lot more hypocrisy, apathy, and sin than I had ever experienced (not that I had never experienced those things in my own life), but I will have to share. I feel like in some ways it has been an uphill climb since college for me to regain a tender spirit towards others and not be cyncial or judgmental because it hit me so hard several years ago…. I, too, would be so sad to see Steven’s sweet spirit become harsh because his mother does not deal tenderly with him…. That is something I pray daily for myself with my children.
I would not abruptly take the jeans away. Have you ever had an object that was abruptly taken away whether someone took it or you lost it? Think about how you felt and then think of this young child’s mind and what else he may be thinking. I think this child is at the moment in love with his jeans for a reason. You may find out the reason or you may never know but I agree his sweet spirit shouldn’t be broken over this. Yes the jeans have to be washed. Wash then and when they are clean and dry give them to him so he will trust you to care about what he does. If your child is younger than 3 and half he will not be able to comprehend why the person who loves and takes care of him has done away with his jeans.
I suppose that a two year old’s spirit could be “broken” over such a matter, but my little guy’s surely wasn’t but then he was nearly three. I agree that YOU have to pick your battles. And, in our case the battle was over whether or not it was healthy for a small child to be dressed in heavy clothing in over 100 degree weather in the south in the summer time. If he isn’t outside in the heat and you are willing to give in on the issue……go for it!
We haven’t been outside much lately due to a lot of travel, but I suppose he will see that it’s much hotter with long pants on his legs. My mom told me yesterday that grandma said my dad wore his long jeans as a boy all the time because that’s just what he wanted to wear. And to this day I rarely see him in shorts!
I understand to a degree what one anon. comenter meant about the pain of having something taken away, and I don’t think God would ever take something away from us without a good reason or of course not to simply hurt us … but when we look at God’s perfect love for us, there are certainly times when he withholds something from us (that we may see as bringing us pleasure) because he knows that is best for us in the long-run. We may not comprehend this deprivation either, but that does not mean God loves us any less (Hebrews 12). We certainly know that God says a (F)athers love for his children is shown by good gifts (Matthew 7:11). I think you most likely agree; I just wanted to take the discipline thought a little farther and comment on that.
I think if the jeans issue ever comes between our son and his obedience and respect of us, we should take the jeans away because we do love him and want him to learn that he will be much happier and things will go well with him (Ephesians 6:1-3) if he obeys us. Eric and I would much rather know that we have humbly submitted to God and required obedience of him than to see him running around with the jeans on after screaming at us and saying, “No” and learning that it’s okay to disregard his parents’ instructions.
Until that happens (I pray it does not), our tender-hearted Steven (and all of the kids) will receive anything that we can in our ability give him because we want to shower our love on him (and I guess we will all just throw up our hands and smile if he’s out in the hot sun and doesn’t mind being hot)! haha
I really think we have the same kid! I really think the jean obbsession started when we said “oh how cool your jeans are just like daddys”…My son is now 12 and still wears his jeans. I can reason with him (but I better have a good reason..like it is 104 degrees and you are going to 6-flags ALL DAY are you sure jeans are the best choice?) Just be careful when you go buy back-ups that they are the same kind. Trust me.;)
Add A Comment